Making a few tweaks in your personality to appear or feel this and that won’t ever make up for all that ignorance—fear, insecurity that needs to be sincerely Seen. If anything, it’s just more Ego—more resisting, denying, image-making, storytelling; more self-deception, simply put.
All the trying and becoming and the need for validation/affirmation that naturally follows leave you emptier. Cut it before you descend any further into delusion. Essentially, there’s nothing like too far down, just that it’s needless suffering and a long road back to sensibility, truth, joy, all of which are always right here if you drop the act, this endless running with all the thoughts, and just be who you truly are—open, innocent, true.
Awareness is the light you need to switch on.